


You're Nothing if You're Just a Lover

by felicitous



Category: Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012), The Avengers - All Fandoms
Genre: Cheating, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-29
Updated: 2012-03-29
Packaged: 2017-11-02 16:06:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/370858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felicitous/pseuds/felicitous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint is tired of being James' lover in the shadows and when he calls it off James has to find out what it is he really wants</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Nothing if You're Just a Lover

 Clint watched from behind the bar as Bucky, James, glided through the crowd, his arm around Natasha's slender waist. It wade the blonds blood run cold. This was why he was sitting alone at the bar, drinking enough to make Stark sick right now, just wishing a some random villain would come along and crash this shitty party or at least give him a reason to be else where. Watching this was breaking the heart that he didn't want to believe he had.

It wasn't Natasha's fault, she probably didn't even know that her boyfriend would fuck her best friend every chance he had, would hold Clint close and whisper sweet nothings in his ear whenever he had the time. Bucky thought he could get away with having them both, but he was wrong. He didn't realize how much he was torturing Clint. Nothing hurt more to know than being told you were loved by someone when that person would always choose someone else over you. It made the blond feel cheep and dirty.

Almost as if on cue, the brunet looked over at him, with a lecherous smile plastered to his hansom face, promising things that Clint didn't want to think about right now. It wasn't that he didn't want any of those promises to be fulfilled, quite the opposite actually. He wanted is so much that is scared him. That's why, instead of waiting around to see what happened, he jumped to his feet and left. He didn’t look back as he went, completely missing the look of confusion that made it's way to James' face.

Clint spent the rest of the night laying on his bed, staring up at the blank ceiling like it would reveal the secrets of life to him if he watched it long enough. He didn't know how long he'd been laying there, completely lost in himself, but a glance at the clock told him it was just after one when his door opened slowly and someone slipped inside, shutting it behind them.

Bucky strode across the room and sat on the bed next to Clint, who rolled onto his side so that he was facing the wall. He had to resist the urge to lean into the other mans touch when James set a hand on his shoulder. He didn't want this right now. He just wanted to be alone.

“Why'd you leave?” James asked, his soft voice loud in the silence of the room. When Clint didn't say anything he leaned in closer till he was practically laying beside him. “What's the matter, Clint? This isn't like you,” His breath tickled along Clint's skin, heavy with alcohol.

“I can't do this anymore, James,” he answered, rolling onto his side so he was looking up at the other man with his sad, tired, blue eyes.

“Cant do what anymore?” Bucky had a feeling that he knew what this was about, but it was still better to ask than to just assume.

“This. With you. All the sneaking around behind Natasha's back. It's not right and I can't do it anymore. I’m tired of being just a fling on the side. I’m nothing If I’m just a lover. I’m nothing, especially to you.” Clint’s voice was soft and quiet but it broke near the end.

James eye's were wide as he stared back at the blond trembling beneath him. He didn't know what to say, didn't know how Clint could even think that. He opened his mouth to protest, but the younger man just shook his head.

“I'm sorry James. Just please, please leave me alone. I’m tired of feeling like this.”

James shut his mouth and nodded his previously caring eyes now dark and guarded. Clint watched as he stood and left, wincing when his door slammed shut violently. Then rolled over with a groan and pressed his face into the pillow. He felt even worse right now than he had before, but he was positive that this was the right thing to do.

The next week was awkward to say the least. Clint avoided Bucky like he had some flesh-eating disease or something. It was surprisingly easy though, to avoid the brunet. Mainly because James was barely around and when he was he was pretty much glued to Natasha's side, but he would always disappear not long after showing up.

Clint couldn't help but blame himself, but he just but he just kept telling himself the same thing over and over again. It was better this way.

***

James was doing his best to keep his distance from Clint since that was apparently what the blond wanted, he really was. That's why he didn’t spend much time at the avengers mansion and stayed close to Natasha or Steve when he was with the Avengers. Natasha was starting to get suspicious though. Figures she would start thinking something was up when he wasn't actually doing nothing wrong, if dreaming about another man was nothing.

They were out on a date when Natasha finally brought it up. “So are you ever going to tell me what is going on between you and Clint of do I have to torture one of you?” she asked suddenly, making his blood run cold.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, stuffing some food into his mouth as she fixed him with a cold stare.

“I'm not stupid, James. Don't think I never noticed the way you look at him, but now when you seem him you get tense and cling to me while he pretends that you don't even exist. So tell me. What happened between you two?”

“Its not important anymore. What's done is done,” he replied simply, deep down wishing that that weren't the case.

“You guys were sleeping together, weren't you?”

“It doesn't really matter. Like I said it's in the past.” he answered, wanting to melt into the floor.

“If that were the case, you two wouldn't be acting like children. Now I want the whole story and don't leave anything out. I'll know if you do.” she said, relaxing into her chair like she expected to be there for a while.

James sighed, but began to tell her the story. “It started a couple of months ago when you were out on that one recon mission. Clint and me would get together and just drink or whatever we felt like doing at the time. As time went it evolved into more.... We started sleeping together and well... It was really nice, being with him just felt right in a way I cant really explain. I thought he felt the same, but apparently not. The night of the party he told me that he didn’t want to do this anymore and asked me to leave him alone from now on and that, that he was nothing if all he was was a lover. And I couldn't, I just... I left.”

When he finished Natasha sighed and shook her head. “You men are such idiots. I can understand why Clint said what he did. He may be a bit of an idiot at times but he hates feeling like hes being taken advantage of, he has been his whole life, and he actually has pretty strong morals about a lot of things. But you, you're just an idiot. You don't even see how much you hurt him.”

“I do, that's why I-”

“No, you don't, so shut up.” she snapped and he found it best to do as he was told. “Clint likes you, possibly even loves you, but, from what I can tell, you made him feel like a cheep whore. Someone you used to warm your bed when you were bored. All his life he has felt like he wasn't good enough or that he didn't really matter and you only made that worse. He wanted to be more to you, but he probably believes that he never will be, that he isn't good enough for you to actually be with. He feels like he will never be anything more than your dirty secret. That's why he won't look at you. He is ashamed of what he degraded himself to for you.”

He remained silent for a while feeling ache in his chest grow and guilt pool in his stomach as her words suck in. “How, how do you know that?”

“I know Clint better than anyone else, better than he even knows himself. So I know how he thinks, its why we work together so well,” she answered softly, “So now the real question is wht are you going to do about this mess you've made, since we are obviously over?”

“Talk to him?”

Natasha nodded. “Corner him and make sure that he can't escape when you do, because he will certainly try to.” she advised and Bucky gave her a hesitant grin before standing and leaving, going to do just that.

***

He first found Clint on the shooting rang, practicing, but decided it would be best to wait till the blond was unarmed. So he waited till Clint left to take a shower and cornered him in there.

James pinned Clint’s naked body to the shower was still fully clothed. He had planned to make it in before the blond had stripped and gone in, but he was a bit late and was not soaked but he really didn't care right now. He was her for a damn important reason and he wasn't about to turn back now. Plus, if he did, he might never have the chance again.

“What the fuck do you think you're doing, James!? Let me go damn it!” Clint growled, trying to push him away and refusing to look at him.

“No, Clint. I need to talk to you,”

“Could you have picked a worse time? And too fucking bad, I don't want to talk to you.”

“Then just listen, please.” He pleaded and when the blond didn't say anything he took it as permission to begin. “Let me begin by saying that I’m an idiot and you have every right to hate me. I understand now and I feel like shit for making you feel like that. You are so amazing for putting up with me for so long and I do not deserve you. I’m so sorry I hurt you but you need to understand that to me you were more than just a lover. You mean so much to me and I was just so happy to be with you that I didn't think about what it was that was really going on. All that mattered was that you were with me and I know I should have told you then, but I’m telling you now.”

There were tears in Clint’s eyes when he finally lifted his head to look at James. “What do you want from me?” he voice cracked.

“What ever you'll give me,” he answered honestly, wiping others tears away with his thumb. Clint bit at his bottom lip and gave him a soft smile as he pressed his cheek into Bucky's palm and that was all the answer the brunet needed. He leaned in close and pressed a chaste lips to Clint’s welcoming lips.


End file.
